Welcome to the erotic devotion podcast. I'm your host, Grace Allardyce. Welcome everyone. You're listening to what used to be called the Homebody Podcast. We're still here on the same feed with our entire back catalog still here, but we've updated the name and the cover for the show to match who and what the work has grown into. We're kicking off this new chapter for the show by re-airing some of our past favorite episodes during this month of June, and we'll begin publishing fresh new episodes beginning July 5th. We appreciate your patience, encouragement, and enthusiasm as we've been updating our digital presence, and we're so happy to be back in your hearts and your ears. Thank you for listening and enjoy. I sent out an email recently to a segment on my list just introducing my new reworked container for working with people one-on-one for spiritual coaching, mentorship, etc. And I wrote about it, and then it like it does, the topic came up in conversation multiple times that week with clients and friends, and so it seems like the finger is a bit on the button, or this wind is blowing, at least around me. And it builds a bit on the podcast episode from last month in July of 2025 that was talking about finding your true gift, where I was talking about some of the ways we get in our own way as far as relating to our sense of mission or purpose, or in a more yogic language, your dharma. And one of the things I used as an example is the way that we talk about flowers. And I said, if flowers have a mission, quote, mission, it is intricately and unspeakably woven into how and who they be. And so your purpose is really more about your presence and your being than your doing. And I know that this is very difficult for our Western, educated, industrialized, rational, democratic minds to wrap our heads around as we're culturally obsessed with productivity and identifying with our careers and our jobs. But if your purpose is really more about your presence and how you're touching the world and who you're being in the world, then you could be a plumber, you could be bagging groceries, you could be a big shot CEO or whatever it is. But as long as you're in like the presence that is your truth of who you are, then you're living out your purpose. And I think for those who find themselves on an alchemical path, a magical path, a spiritual path, whatever you want to call it, a self-actualization path. It can often feel like it's something that's chosen us rather than we choose it. Or I remember one teacher telling me once that it's it can be easier to not start as a spiritual practice, but after you start it, it's best not to stop. And I think it's referring to something about this dynamic. Once we're on it, there's really no escaping from being on it. It's almost like something comes and finds us, wrestles us to the ground, and starts throwing a wrench in every plan that we have until we finally say, okay, I don't even really know what this path means or what it is, but I know that everything I was doing besides this isn't working, is no longer satisfying, is not fulfilling, and is suddenly not feeling like it. And I think if this self-actualization path is one that you're on, how you are being in every part of your life informs every other part of your life. We like to keep our personal life and our mental health and our romantic life and our spiritual practices, like acting like these are all compartmentalized and separate, but on this path of alchemy, you start to realize that, like, oh, how you're being in your business is absolutely informing your sex life, which is absolutely informing your finances, which is absolutely contributing or not to your healing journey, which is absolutely about your relationship, which is absolutely about how you are in the world, et cetera, on and on. So it means that all of you is informing all of your life. And what that also means is that there's no longer anywhere to hide. We can't compartmentalize anything away. We can't pretend anything away and act like this uncomfortable part of my life that I can feel a glitch in. I'll just, you know, focus on these other things going really well. On an alchemical path, that will not work. That thing that you're trying to compartmentalize and pretend away is absolutely going to start eating away and getting in the way of other things so that you'll look at it, so that you'll actualize it, because that really is the greater desire. And when we stop resisting alchemical work or spiritual work, when we intentionally step into it, you're saying yes to life's eternal invitation to become whole. You're saying yes to making all of your unconscious conscious. You're saying yes to being dark and light, you're saying yes to all of you. And that includes, perhaps especially includes, the bits that you'd rather not look at, the bits that you think could never possibly heal or change, or things that you think you could never ever relate to differently. Maybe especially those parts. And saying yes to this kind of work and this path, whether it feels like it's against your will or not initially, when you take this big leap towards the great yes, it's very similar to Frodo saying yes to Gandalf at the beginning of Lord of the Rings, because any excuse to bring in Lord of the Rings, we should. It's a wild ride, and you'll see the miracles and the dragons and the big scary caves and the wizards. It's gonna der it's going to disrupt your expectations around Levinsies and second breakfast. You will meet yourself in the forge of the impossible, and you will come back, probably right back to where you started, right back to where you began, except it's utterly different, utterly changed, because you are. You're now invincible, and so the cup of tea will never have tasted so good. And this is also a commitment to living out your destiny, which is your true being from this altar of your heart. You're committing simultaneously to a path of ruthless asceticism and hedonism at the same time. And this is really the nugget I want to lean into today for this brief little nugget of an episode. This paradox of ascetic hedonism. Being committed to living out your destiny is ascetic because everything that isn't the true burning flame of your heart's desire, destiny, presence must be purified. The dross is burned away until nothing but gold shines through. And anything that isn't a part of that path or part of that flame has to go. And so I think I say often it feels like the path is not straight by any means, but it is narrow, it is specific. But it's also hedonistic because the gold that you get from that process is also exquisitely and exactly what you want. It will feel like the orgasmic, blissful yes, you can only feel when what you want merges precisely with what the divine wants for you. And you'll find that you are getting what you want a lot because you're wanting what is for you. And mysteriously, even when you think you aren't getting what you want, you'll find that you're you are, or you're able to. And this paradox is something really important and I think really up because we tend to think that well, there's camps of people there, and they're all different, of course, but there are camps that really lean into the life that you want is simply one mindset shift away. If you just force your will on life enough, you can manifest anything you want. So it's like the radical free will people. And then they're sort of like the fatalistic hyper-spiritual people that are like, it's all divine will, and I just want what you know the gods want for me, and I'm resigned to fate. And I think both of those are a bit of a cop-out because they're not alchemical in nature. And like the divine will/slash our destiny and our will, they're not mutually exclusive. Our desire and our destiny are not mutually exclusive. They're not designed to bring us the most amount of suffering and whatever. They are simply elements that may seem like opposites at times, as is the way, that desire alchemical union. And that union is your work. It takes work or it takes devotion. And I think that alchemy is happening honestly with or without you, but it becomes more fun, more empowering, and more magical if it's happening with you. And this ascetic hedonism, I think, is really how the cosmic servant logistics work out. When you really come into the exquisite precision of your cosmic service, you will feel like you are both living your most selfish life more than you've ever felt. Where you're like, I'm doing exactly what I was made to do, and it feels amazing. It will ask absolutely everything of you. And you will also be living in your highest service to the world and humanity. It will be exactly what you have to give. And that's what we want, right? We want to be both fulfilled and poured out. And all the super spiritual people are like, oh no, I only want to be of service. I'm just like a humble, undeserving servant. And I know that you're lying. That's not true because you also want to have fulfilled relationships. You want to have a roof over your head like everybody else. You would like money in your bank account. You would like health for you and people that you love. You would like orgasms, you would like joy, you would like a good life for your kids, and the resilience and excitement to meet your life as it comes, however, it comes. And this acknowledgement, acknowledging that you both desire to be fulfilled and you desire to be of service is step one. And honestly, I don't think we can have one without the other. We cannot be fulfilled unless we are of service. And we also can't really be of service unless we are also being fulfilled. I think they need one another and they're a paradox that must be together. And to me, it sounds obvious, but this is really in huge unconscious denial for a lot of people. We're insistent, especially again, the super spiritual people, or maybe I'm just speaking for past me. Oh no, I'm just here to be of service. I'm just like the next, you know, Mother Teresa, except that I, you know, am trying to run a small business and I don't need to be fulfilled. I just want to help everybody and do the best that I can. That's just like not true. Okay. It's and it's keeping people stuck. And so let me just say, if that's you, let me save you a lot of time. If that's you, if you're spending every day in this sort of meager, self-induced misery, it may feel like it's coming from the outside, but it's not. If you're like, oh, I'm just processing for the collective like a depressed martyr, you are not living your highest service. That is not your highest service. It's actually a dynamic that's stealing your life force. It's dumping all of this shadow back into the collective and it's leaving you focused solely on yourself. I know it feels like you're just giving up a lot to be of service, but actually it's keeping your focus entirely on you. It's not service and it's not fulfilling. Your highest service will be the flame of your desire as well. That is, once your desire has been purified in the alchemical fire. That's the caveat. There are the flame of your desire, the true the capital D desire, is exactly the same as your destiny once it has been purified. There are probably a lot of bullshit desires or things posing as desires that are actually fears or other people's desires, or weird karmic things, or unintegrated, shadowy things posing as desires that are actually on top of it. So a lot of the alchemical process, the spiritual path, is actually an unburdening. It's a getting rid of, it's a taking off of rather than a putting on. There is a lightening in the process, like mod scales, right? Your heart must be lighter than a feather. That's the that's the requirement to pass. So your highest service will turn you on and turn you out at the same time. But that desire, that will must be purified first. Coming to it is a deep unburdening and integrating at the same time. And it will bring you, again, paradoxically and simultaneously, 100% here on the planet, and 100% bring you into touching the cosmic field where all is one at the same time. It will be both serious and hilarious. It will be effort and surrender together. And you have to be willing to step into that alchemical process, that fire, if you want to be set a light, and if you want to enjoy it, and if you want to love it. That is how it works. All of the baggage can't come with you. It's too heavy, and it's not actually true. What is actually your true desire meets destiny, your true will meets divine will, is simple. It will have a very refined simplicity to it. If we think about precious metals, for instance, right? It's not we don't want them all, all these other metals mixed in. We just want the purity of the one metal. It's like that coming into your elemental truth. And that means that you have to be willing to enter this initiatory process over and over and over and over again. And I was listening to someone recently notice that when she relates to the image of a phoenix, she thinks of it as like this violent thing. It's not violent, it's just transformation. It's how it works. And if you've never done it before, it will feel scary and a bit hard for sure. Because we're meeting our edges. We're meeting our own limits of who we think we are and where we end. But after a while, you start to get the hang of the game, and then eventually you start to run towards it with your mouth open because you realize on the other end of the fire, you get to be free and you love to be free. And freedom is the name of the game. And so I was originally sharing about this in context of sharing about my new one-on-one container, and I'll share a little bit about it here as well. But when it came through, it was really the vibe of initiation. It was really for people who feel like they are willing to, desiring to, or or finding themselves in this edge. It's this very like crafted container both on the back end, like how I'm meeting it and also how it's structured to really meet people in those initiatory moments or through them. And I'm calling it this erotic spiritual coaching and mentorship. I'll have the link for all of my offerings below in the show notes if it's something that you want to lurk about. And it's for people, like some of what are some of the ways that you would know that like maybe this work would be the right time for you. And I there's an application process for it. You have to fill out an application. And then if we think you're a good fit to move forward or we're like we're a good fit to work together, we'll hop on a 20-minute call where I'll share more. You can ask any questions that you have, and then you'll have seven days to decide if it's something that you want to do. But what are some of the external symptoms or signs that this might be a good container for you that might be really productive, that might be really powerful for you? Perhaps you're feeling stuck or stagnant in your work, meaning really bored. Maybe you are feeling so overwhelmed by the suffering and the upheaval in the world, which part of me thinks is just getting started, that you can't do much of anything except doom scroll and cry and talk about it with other people and freak out. Maybe you are going through a major life change, like a divorce or a death or a career transition, some kind of epic failure, bankruptcy, something like that, or you're thinking about those things, or they feel in the room in a way that's feeling disruptive and like big changes on the edge. Maybe you're noticing this vague apathetic feeling coding your life that sounds something like, what even is my life? Why am I doing all of this? Everything's starting to have that meaningless, numbed-out, apathetic coding over it. Maybe you're simply wanting to start a new chapter of your life. Maybe you're doing things that are technically working on paper, but you're not really feeling empowered by them. And you're not really feeling turned on, you're not feeling pleasure around them. And as soon as I say that, you probably also notice a little voice in your ear being like, Isn't power bad though? And isn't pleasure like a waste of time? If that's you, definitely apply, please. Keep, and maybe you keep saying yes to things that leave you tired, angry, resentful, broke, and bone dry. That would be a big one as well. I have a lot of people come in where that's a dynamic that's happening. If you are really working through some super icky feelings around money and charging for your work, a dynamic that has been coming up a lot lately with clients is there's a some icky resistance to money and making money that is also threaded into a partnership dynamic, including resenting your partner for being the breadwinner or resenting them for not making, quote, enough money. So that's something that's been really fun to work with. Perhaps you are dating and you keep dating the same person over and over again accidentally, and you find you keep finding out three to six months into it that you're like, oh, this is just the same person that I dated the last time, and that game is starting to not get fun. Or any pattern that you see yourself repeating can be a clue, especially if it's repeating unconsciously, like you think that it's going to be different this time, and then you keep on the back and noticing that it's the same thing. That is, it can feel really painful and it can feel like life is punishing you. I know I've been there, absolutely. There's probably ways that I'm doing it now that I'm not aware of yet. But anytime that there's a pattern that just keeps coming back around like that and like hitting and hitting and hitting and hitting, it can feel like punishment, but alchemically speaking, it's life being like the invitation is here, the invitation is here, hello, it's still here. Ding dong, here's the mail, the invitation is back. Like, and we need to like pick up that invitation and really get underneath what is that pattern if you want a different narrative to happen. And the nature of how I work, I think in general, both one-on-one and in group containers, I have a very quick like incisive energy, is how I've been explaining it. And it's not I don't I think that can come off as like, oh, it's cruel. It's definitely not cruel, but it's kind of quick. Like if we can get there in I wanna get down to like the real nugget of Of the real meat of what's really going on. I don't like fluff work. I don't like busy work. And honestly, with the timeline that humanity is on right now, I don't really think it's time to waste time doing shit that is just keeping you busy and isn't actually in service of your transformation. So faster is not always better, but if it doesn't need to take a long, painful time, why make it take a long, painful time? So I think when we bring the right connection and presence and tools, especially, you know, really powerful spiritual ones and magical ones, often what's in the way suddenly isn't. It can it it doesn't have to be painful. It doesn't have to be, you know, this ridiculous, my whole life falls apart. Like a lot of times the solution is quite simple in its essence. You will still have to live into it and embody it, which is why I don't offer one-off sessions. But it may not be as difficult or as com it's, and I promise you, it's not as complicated in its essence as you think. So there's that. I just wanted to offer that, contemplate, burn into your unique alchemy of your ascetic hedonistic destiny meets divine will, meets desire, meets your true will, and burn brightly, loves. Peace. Be well. Check out the show notes below for more about our guests, plus links to gifts and other resources to take you deeper. Our podcast music was produced by Santiago Paramo, our podcast art graphically designed by Sarah Mendoza, and photography by Charlie Watts. Thank you for being here, and we'll see you next time. Be well. Peace.