Transform your Guilt into Gratitude 🍓

What's underneath the frustration, resentment, guilt and plaguing sense that you're not doing enough to save the world?

This un-embodied paradox is probably why your business isn’t working, why your creations don’t have that sparkle, why your mission isn’t moving, your creativity is stagnant, or your relationship is just… ok.

Be sure to listen to the end, for a simple and portable embodiment practice to help you ground into the present moment.

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thanks for listening. peace, be well. 🙏

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

Welcome to the Erotic Devotion Podcast. I'm your host, Grace Allardyce. Welcome everyone. You're listening to what used to be called the Homebody Podcast. We're still here on the same feed with our entire back catalog still here, but we've updated the name and the cover for the show to match who and what the work has grown into. We're kicking off this new chapter for the show by re-airing some of our past favorite episodes during this month of June, and we'll begin publishing fresh new episodes beginning July 5th. We appreciate your patience, encouragement, and enthusiasm as we've been updating our digital presence, and we're so happy to be back in your hearts and your ears. Thank you for listening and enjoy. When we witness the pain of the world, often we want to fix it. And this is an understandable impulse. And it's also one that we're encultured to take, right? If someone's um, you know, about to get hit by a car, our impulse is to like run in front of them and push them out of the way, right? These are all impulses that exist for a reason and we're grateful for them. And there is a place where they work and they're really functional. However, when we're thinking about the chronic pain of the world or humanity, when we just take that acute let's fix it energy, the sink is broken, let's fix it. That's a different scale that we're working with. And it's also has a different seed that we're working with. It's a different way that we're being called to interact with that. It's understandable the impulse that we have to fix. And as a culture, we don't understand or value initiations. As a culture, we don't understand or value death cycles. We don't understand or value discomfort. And we are in a massive human chapter right now that asks us to become skillful with these, especially if we think of ourselves as a leader or a creative or a visionary or a healer, someone who feels like they have something of service to offer to the world and be to the world. And I'm looking around, and people are just droning out and distracting out all over the place. And others are just efforting harder at what they already know how to do, which is push hard in the external world. And the impulse that we have to be of service is great. And there is something more nuanced here in the energy that is different from just fixing. Let's not conflate those because they're different. Most people are running their energy and their life in such a way that they are avoiding some key understandings. Most people who want to be of service are running their energy in a way that actually keeps them from accomplishing the very thing that they want. And it's because they don't have the spiritual tools or relationships or understandings that they need. They have not been initiated into a deeper place of seated magical power. And when I refer to magic, I'm not talking about like Disney movies, bippity bobbity-boo. I'm talking about the actual path of magic. And so we want to be of service and we go about trying to quote fix the world, fix humanity, solve all the problems. And what's at the bottom of this often is truly that we don't want to be in pain at the world's pain. That's often really what's truthfully underneath this. Underneath is not the awareness, the embodiment to truly be in compassion, to truly be of service yet. We're operating on an engine that's really just trying to fix the world so that we don't have to be in pain at the world's pain. So we go about looking around at external material reality to see what we can fix, how we can arrange the furniture in the world's house so that we can make the fear go away or talk ourselves out of feeling guilty. And we wish, hope, think, pray that all of our furniture rearranging will be enough to make a difference. And on a subtle energetic level, most people are doing this so that they can feel absolved of the guilt that they have for being here, or the guilt that they have for, quote, being a part of the problem, or the guilt that they have that's deeper than that, guilt for being on the planet. On a subtle level, we're trying to fix so that we can also be absolved of the guilt we have for having a beautiful life or their privilege, whatever you want to call it. On a subtle level, we're trying to fix the world so that we don't have to feel our own limitation or face our own pain or grief. We're fixing so that we don't have to deal with a deeper wound, which is often, I'm not sure that I belong here or what I'm doing here. And then after we've done a full reality boxing round of fixing and we've burned ourselves out or we're left distraught and frustrated and more alone, maybe a little hopeless, when fixing inevitably does not succeed, it becomes a wound that feeds blame and feeling ashamed and worthless and powerless and not belonging on the planet. Side quick note most nonprofits are running on this energy stream. So for those of you who have run a nonprofit or worked for one, you might recognize this dynamic in real time. And for a lot of people, it's running on the micro on an individual level. You know how, if you have experience in that world, you know how life-sucking it can be. And this energetic current is often why, because it's running the program. Like if I don't succeed in fixing, then I am like ashamed, guilty, worthless, powerless. I don't belong here anymore. My existence is a problem. That would not be said probably out loud. Most people in this pool don't have the language to articulate that, but some version of this program is often what's running. And the fixing inevitably doesn't work, right? We keep doing it though, because for most people, it's the only strategy that we know. So they're like, well, I tried to fix it and I can't, but I can't just sit back and do nothing. And it feeds this crazy reality that I see all the time, where instead of an embodied real gratitude at the unlikely miracle of being alive today, people are shrouded and weighed down by guilt. People who have already hit the human jackpot, people who are privileged and the most traditionally educated and by the world standards, the most resourced people in the world are walking around guilt-ridden and depressed and angry and entitled and disillusioned. If you're listening to this, you probably have more resources at your fingertips than you know what to do with. Which program should I take? Just think of how you feel standing in the shampoo aisle at the drugstore or the grocery store. That's your life on some level. You can walk outside right now and probably aren't worried about getting bombed on the way to the doctor. What an incredible blessing. And yet everybody is fucking miserable and ungrateful. And you ask them how they're doing with their incredibly stocked life, and they're like, oh, I could hardly get out of bed today. That points at something much deeper. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty if this fits into how you're feeling right now. I'm just trying to illustrate it to create some more awareness so that you can work with it and we can start to work on it as a collective. We have this unconscious belief that if we're not miserable, we're not helping. If we're not mad, we're not paying attention. If you're not dysregulated out of your mind, you must not care about the world. And that's bullshit. It's not true. It's a story that's made up by people who don't have the capacity to understand another way. And it's a story made up by people who are disconnected from their own energy, from embodiment, from source, from magic. And it's such a common story that we hook up on without questioning it. Most people are we're running on this story in some way, and we don't even question it. My take is that gratitude is an outcome of healing, and it's also a practice. And all of those things that you feel guilty about need to become things that you're incredibly grateful for, which is not going to happen just by me saying this, right? We're not going to perform gratitude and pretend, but it's really an invitation to embark on an actual embodied spiritual devotional path where you get to the reality that this is so obvious and real to you that you become magic. In my personal opinion, which you don't have to agree with, obviously, those of us who have these resourced material lives, especially compared to most people on the planet, we have a spiritual responsibility to humanity and to consciousness and to life. We have a responsibility to use our energy to do the great work and to heal on a deep level, to recall our projections, to alchemize our shit on behalf of the world because we can, because we do have the time, we do have the bandwidth and the practice to do it. We may not want to, and that's something also we can work on, but I, in my opinion, that is our responsibility. We said yes to this mission, and we can get grateful that life has provided us with the opportunity to say yes to doing this great work in real time. This is a spiritual path, and it is spiritual work. And when I look around, I don't see a lot of people making time for it because they're too busy, quote, helping and fixing. This embodiment is the pathway for all change. We want to master and fix the world, but most people are unwilling to embark on a great work or of a spiritual path, and I find that interesting. How is the world even here? What's holding it up? The new earth or the sense that a more beautiful future is possible is hovering right now. And a lot of you sensitive people out there can feel it. You can feel this frequency hovering and wanting to come in. But what wants to come into earth gets born in through your embodiment, through your awareness, through your presence, your creations, which can also include your children. If you aren't embodying it, it ain't coming in. So rearranging all the external world furniture we want, if there's no true spirit embodiment behind it, at that point, it's just giving you something to do. It's being a distraction. Let me say this differently. Your capacity, your prowess to embody the beauty of the new earth is more important than all the things that you are doing. Said another way, your devotion and your spiritual commitments to being in this life, in this world right now, are the most important thing you can do. So if you're feeling defeated and burned out and tired and guilty and afraid and powerless and just completely overburdened by this chapter of the story of the world that we're in, it's time to reorient and redefine where your true power comes from. It's time to reorient to the level of your own actual coherence between your infinite self, your time-based self. It's time to assess your relationship to spirit and what you're doing on earth here with it. And most people listening to this, not all of you, and that's not wrong. No one's right or wrong here, but most people listening to this were born with this sense that you've got a mission. Like there's something, maybe something big that you feel like you're here to do or be. You have a sense that there's this vocation or this calling, something that sits inside of you and on your back, like something you're here to realize, to make real. Not everyone feels this. And it is this diamond, this seed that is behind your ambition and your drive to succeed and to be of service. And that's a beautiful thing. But that means we have to become skillful with this spirit embodiment in a really real way, in a very timely way, I would also add. And I can promise you that the thing you feel called to be is not a burned-out, embittered, nonprofit director or impoverished business owner. So if that's being the wall that you're hitting up against is trying to tie, it's time to try something new and get back to what is behind matter. The ma behind matter. Because the big paradox underlying this particular life lock is this: you have to become somebody before you become nobody. Ram Da said that. I think it's the easiest, most succinct way to talk about what I'm talking about. You have to become somebody before you become nobody. And all of the I just want to be of service people probably skipped the become somebody part, and they went right to I can be nobody, I can be nobody. And so being of service is conflated with collapsing, fawning, being super codependent with God and reality and outsourcing your center, and it's keeping you from loving and enjoying your life. And it's keeping you also energetically from being fully on the planet. And then all of the people who are really good at being somebody, you know, those directors who are great at rearranging the furniture of the world, but at some point it's not going to be enough. And if you're at the I'm a somebody stage, you get to lean into the nobody stage, which is this exquisite point of true magical manifestation. Both of these need each other. Somebody needs nobody, nobody needs somebody. Both of these need each other, both of these kinds of people need each other. And also both of us need the opposite embodied in ourselves. We don't heal in isolation, we don't heal at a pole. We heal in the magical paradox of the third. We heal in relationship and we heal with spirit. We are spiritual beings having a human experience, lest we forget. You have to become an embodied, self-ful thing before you can coherently lay that down in service and experience the freedom and the bliss of true service. You trying to be of service because secretly underneath you feel guilty and like you don't deserve to be here, that's not service. That's you trying to medicate with your behavior. And you're not fooling energy. It's not, you can't fool that, you can't hide that on an energetic level. It's running honestly, truth will see that. And once you master your medicine and come away from your pole and into the magic alchemy of that third space, when you learn to do both somebody and nobody at the same time, it becomes this infinity loop running in your relationships, your life, your work. And it also becomes a great conversation you are doing with life. Somebody, nobody, somebody, nobody. Or it's why all the furniture is moving around, but you're still frustrated, angry, and resentful at the world and plagued by a sense of I'm not doing enough. And the truth is it's who you be first, not what you do. And most people are just wetting and doing because culturally that's what we can see. We've lost our skill as a culture and a society in the urban West to even notice who we be. But it matters how you touch the world. The quality with which your spirit is in the world, touching the world, it matters more than anything else. And this requires more mastery and attention in your life than anything else. And I'm not talking about how you touch the world as in, like, oh, I'm touching the world. How small can I make my carbon footprint? That's not the conversation. Be somebody. Yes, your life costs something to be here. Life wanted you here badly enough that it's got the cost of your life in the blueprint because you are here and life is not a mistake. It matters how you presence in the world more than anything else. So your guilt, your shame, your powerlessness, your fear, your anger, your resentment, bitterness, it's not some private thing that you're hiding. It's not. It is something that you're contributing to the collective. And magically, compassionately, it can become something that you heal and you metabolize and free on behalf of the collective. Yeshua said, When you bring forth that within you, then that will save you. When you make the inner like the outer, then you will enter the kingdom. The first class I'm teaching inside of the Ma membership, and I'm teaching it live, um, is an immersion on sort of Yeshua wisdom drops, and in May we'll tension that with the wisdom of the whore and the holy woman. And these two sayings in particular are a couple of codes that we'll be playing with, and they're from the Gospel of Thomas, which was one of the books not included in the Bible, and dug up in the desert in 1947. But this code, when you bring forth that within you, then that will save you. Yeshua's code, your inner landscape is what manifests in your presence, is what people experience in your presence, is what life gets from your presence. So don't automatically take this as like punishment or guilt tripping, you know, oh, now I have to be even more perfect and control my presence even more, and yet another bad thing about me that I'm doing wrong. That's not the real journey. That's your wounded inner child. The real journey is you've got to get so down with receiving inhuman, godly amounts of grace and unconditional love that you become the good that happens to the world. Not you do the good that happens to the world, you become the good that happens to the world. That is the only way. This profound alchemical journey is the way. The inner becomes the outer, which becomes the inner, which becomes the outer. All the doing, all the drive has to become the elixir of your being that you drink daily. The elixir that who you are is the medicine. You are the medicine, you are the wand for the magic, you are the lightning rod for what wants to come down, you are the elixir. What does it taste like when the thirsty come for a drink at your fountain? Who you be? This is what we're making an apologetic space for inside of Ma. The externals in your life pull on you naturally, and this inner outer world building is the great work of magic and all alchemical paths. Who we be is the thing that we tend to deprioritize and don't make space for. But if we're gonna get really honest and really coherent and truly be the full humanity, this is the most important thing. So you not only impact life, but you also love and enjoy your life. So, Ma, the membership, it's emerging and it weaves together the medicines of this moment. And it's for those of you who are ready to make peace with what is, you're ready to love and enjoy your existence and impact material reality. And I'm considering it a sanctuary for this kind of work, for building this wild, erotic bridge between your. Regular, mundane life, your devotion in the world at large, that inner in all the layers of the outer. This bridge is not a heavy-laden backpack filled with guilt and all the things that you have to do to be a good person. It's quite the opposite of that. It is becoming the light of true presence, the seed, the diamond that you already have. Her bridge is light and it's surrendered and it's like the self-laying down for the beloved. It's got the heart wide open and it's turned on for the road ahead. We can't do this great alchemy alone. We don't heal in isolation. Unfortunately, that would be so there are many times in my life where I've wished I could. But Ma in the form of a membership is a commitment to embodying these transmissions and being a support for their coming to earth, these medicines of Christ consciousness, the sacred feminine, and alchemy, which is the art and the spiritual skills of transformation. So the day that this episode is live in real time, I'm in the middle of launching this membership at a founder rate, which is going to be the cheapest rate that Ma is ever available. So we want to welcome you in and make it an easy yes for you at this stage. So if you're listening to this before Wednesday, February 19th, 2025, the doors are open and you can click the link in the show notes to learn more, or you can just go ahead and sign up. If you're listening to this in the future, after February 19th, 2025, there is also a link in the show notes to join the wait list so that if you just want to be in the know, you want to learn more about it the next time the doors are open, you can have access to that information to make an aligned decision for you at this time. I hope you take a deep breath. I hope you become more aware of your presence and you go outside today and you sit down. If you're not driving right now, perhaps even now, close your eyes, lean back a little bit. Take your attention to the space behind your sternum, right in the center of your chest. And think of something that you feel truly grateful for. No pretendees, no pretending. Something you can honestly say, I feel deep gratitude for this. And if you can't think of anything, then you can sit in presence with that vulnerability and the openness to be willing to hold gratitude. And just let that sensation of gratitude, maybe you're seeing it as a color, maybe you're feeling it as an actual feeling or a sensation in your physical body, let it fill up that space in the center of your chest. And let it spill out into the rest of your shoulders, come up your collarbone and your throat and spill down your arms all the way down to your fingertips and filling up your belly and your pelvis and your back, down your legs, filling up the 3D of your body, all the sides, all the way up your neck, filling up your face and behind your eyes and behind your palate, all the spaces of your head and your brain and your skull. Just take a couple more deep breaths and really feel the embodiment of that. Or again, if you don't authentically connect with a sensation or image of gratitude right now, feel the openness to it or the willingness, the desire to embody it. And take one more full deep breath here, keeping this in your awareness. And as you open your eyes, play with how long can I hold this in my body as I continue to move about my day, as I drive. Notice when it leaves. Notice if you can bring it back. Check out the show notes below for more about our guests, plus links to gifts and other resources to take you deeper. Our podcast music was produced by Santiago Paramo, our podcast art graphically designed by Sara Mendoza, and photography by Charlie Watts. Thank you for being here, and we'll see you next time. Be well. Peace.